Thursday, October 23, 2014

Slut or a Prude. Why is there no in between?

As a young woman growing up in today’s society, I feel that there are some confusing messages about sex and sexuality. Something about our society that sickens me and makes me so angry that I want to rip all my hair out, is when girls who have sex are then called a slut. However, if you don't have sex you are a prude. Why do we only have two choices of who we can be? Kacey Musgraves must be right, “You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don’t.”
Afropunk.com

A prude is defined as a person who is excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct,dress, etc. (Dictionary.com) A person's clothes should NOT determine if they want to have sex or not, that may just be how they feel most comfortable with themselves. Trust me we all know how hard it is to feel comfortable about yourself and with all this stuff about victim blaming for anything from school dress code to rape this makes girls not feel comfortable about themselves and that just isn’t right. Now it isn’t only girls that get called out for how they look. It happens to boys too. Maybe not in the same way girls get called out but it hurts them just as bad when they get called out for what they do or DON’T do. You have to act and be a certain way to be a man. Standing up for women is apparently gay now. Did you know that, I sure didn’t. However it really isn’t just in the eyes of horrible grueling men who will probably lead to raping women. Well there is this thing, it is called “Rape Culture”
In a rape culture, people are surrounded with images, language, laws, and other everyday phenomena that validate and perpetuate, rape. Rape culture includes jokes, TV, music, advertising, legal jargon, laws, words and imagery, that make violence against women and sexual coercion seem so normal that people believe that rape is inevitable. Rather than viewing the culture of rape as a problem to change, people in a rape culture think about the persistence of rape as 'just the way things are.’ (Force)
How do people find humor in rape jokes? Simply put, they are uneducated in how harmful making jokes about violence toward women is to women who have had it happen to them.

To inform you some more as to how society has formed around rape, in class we had been discussing this topic, and it stood out when I heard the words “nail polish.” I am a girl and I love to paint my nails. A nail polish has now been invented that if you dip your finger into a drink and swirl around your finger it will turn a different color if your drink is drugged. Now here is what confused me, why do I need to worry if my drink has been drugged or not? How does this relate to rape? Well here is how everything happens, say you are at a party and a guy tells you to take this drink. You think he is cute but this drink is opened. You drink it and it happens to be drugged. You happen to be aware because the basically put in that drink a horse tranquilizer. You can’t speak to say no. They rape you. You go to court and here is their excuse, “She never said no.” Rape has also formed around our society through ads and even celebrities do it. Cee Lo Green, for example, used the “she never said no” line but however she never said yes. Consent does matter people! 2 YESES NEED TO BE SAID TO MAKE IT NOT RAPE! Now they could also say it was your clothes, “Her skirt was so short that she was begging for me to take it off,” now did you ever say take this off. I don’t think so, but who are they going to believe? Not you because you never said no. This how HALF cases go for rape.

There is a story I would like to tell about a girl who got raped on campus at college. She carries around the mattress she was raped on. Unless offered help nobody could help her. She said she will do this until her rapist is no longer on the same campus as her. This happened over a year ago and she is about to graduate this year. He has not been kicked out of the school yet.

Another story that is hard to take is the Steubenville rape trial. It is a trial about two football players raping an UNCONSCIOUS 16-year old girl. They claimed it wasn’t rape because she did not affirmatively say no. However not saying no does NOT take the place of yes. So many people think that only “no” means no. Everyone who thinks that in a situation of rape is honestly really getting on my nerves. What’s next? That penguin is albino it must be a small Polar Bear. NOOOO! That’s not how this stuff works people. I know the people who think that are stubborn and know the truth and just don’t want to look bad.

This is the problem that scared me more than any scary movie I have ever watched in my life. Young girls are believing sexual violence is “normal”. One 13 year old girl was interviewed and she stated this: “They grab you, touch your butt and try to, like, touch you in the front, and run away, but it’s okay, I mean … I never think it’s a big thing because they do it to everyone.” Other people said “They’re boys, it’s just what they do.” However I know plenty of boys who aren’t like that at all, and quite frankly I seem to like them much better it's how all boys should ask. Be R.E.S.P.E.C.T.F.U.L (girls like it better).

So to just say this it isn't rape if there is two yeses. It is rape if there is one no or just nothing at all. Only yes means yes.

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Conclusion: 11/13/14
In conclusion to learning and reading about rape culture I now have a deeper understanding as to why this is happening and why some people don't realizing it happening or even the people who don't want to admit it is even a real thing. It is a scary topic that we don't really want to know is actually going on around us. But, one thing is certain and that is that rape is not something that is normal and is always happening. It is not something we should normalize and tell kids it is normal. No more boys will be boys because that is not the problem it is really how you raise your kid. If all you tell them is they have to be tough and all that they think feelings don't matter and that kind of stuff is really not true at all. I have come to realize in this topic you can never please society and that seems to really be why this is all happening. Rapists know they can do this because they can victim blame because everyone will just believe it was the victims fault because of how they where acting or what they where wearing. It is the society's fault that this is really happening. That is what I learned while learning about this cruel topic

9 comments:

  1. You did a great job with this post. It is a super important topic that people should be aware of. I hate the words prude and slut because they are rude, and people don't see the in between. I agree that rape is rape unless both people are okay with it and say yes. Why do you think people call girls a prude or a slut, but don't recognize her as much if she doesn't look like either of those?

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    1. Alex, I understand what you are getting at with your question, to answer that I don't have facts to pin point it perfectly but I think the reason they don't recognize "her" as much is because she doesn't fit the description however every girl is always thrown into one of the category by someone. Sadly there really is no in between. I don't want to know who people think I am because I think I know what people would call me, however I am not either if those things I'm nor slut nor prude. I am fine with myself and that is all that matters to me. :)

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  2. This ingenious article surprised me. The problem that talks about in this article is one of the terrible things happens to the females, or even some of the males as you talks about above. Which really shocked me is that some girls even do nor care about raping happen to them, and this came from a 13 years old kid! What made her said that? Maybe because nobody actually listen to the victim, maybe because raping is really an usual thing. There got to be an answer, this is what I found on the internet( After progress on college rape, why ignore sexual violence in high school? ) Seems like people are starting look into the raping, hope that everything will get better and no more raping happen to the women.

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    1. Tyler, I will thank you first on commenting on my blog. I will tell you when I first read about the 13 year old girls saying that stuff it made me realize that we live in a culture that is surrounded by rape, that is how it is. It pops up in ads, music videos, etc. this is why I think that those girls think this stuff. It is "normal" to them. It is an absolutely scary thing to be said out of a 13 year olds mouth. Also yes everyone always associates rape with women but it happens to guys too, guys being called out is something that also happens to girls. All around we go through the same problems without each other knowing.

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  3. Great blog Olivia! I really love the points you brought up especially your main point. To proceed in a sexual activity you need two consents which means two yeses. That is infact a new law in California that you need two consents before proceeding. I think it is terrible that young teens are now regulating rape culture. The 13-year-old girl who said that this kind of stuff is normal and it happens to every girl is extremely unacceptable. Thanks for Sharing!
    - Lambsandsheeps101

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    1. Yes, thank you for reading my blog and thanks for the feedback

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  4. Olivia, this was a great blog post! I was able to hear your voice through your writing and your use of capitalized words provided nice emphasis. I was also shocked with the 13-year old girl saying sexually abusive acts were not "a big thing". I also agree with the sentence in all caps stating that it takes two people to say yes in order to not make it rape. One question I had when I was reading your section on how guys have to portray their image a certain way was: Do you think rape culture has also gone up considering that guys feel pressured to be "womanizers" , "women oriented",etc?. Also, back to the 13-year old girl, how often do people go to jail for sexual assault and how many of those people are under the age of 18? The last questions relates back to the section that expresses your thoughts on why there are jokes on such a serious topic like rape culture. Because of these jokes, do you think the jokes are influencing younger people to think rape is okay?

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    1. Casey, thank you for reading my blog and to answer you first question, I do think it has gone up because of boys feeling pressured to do everything to impress all their friends. Your 2nd question over half of the rape cases are rejected and they don't end up in jail or anything. I think that is really scary. Your final question was a bit difficult to think about. Although once people joke about something it makes everything okay to do, so possibly I am not quite sure. However I guess it could be considered okay to do because everyone else is joking about it.

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    2. Casey and Olivia, I'm not sure this will answer any questions about rape jokes, nor do I personally know anyone who really sees rape as a "laughing matter," but I did hear a story that made me question how seriously our society takes the language of rape. At an educational conference a few years ago, while discussing stereotypes and diversity, we were asked to list a bunch of words that people use either in person or online to insult/exclude others. As the sharing began, and we identified how this language is related to various "isms" (sexism, racism, ableism, etc.) a woman raised her hand and shared a story about living next door to a public athletic park/complex, because she didn't know how this language fit into what we were doing, but it felt very relevant. She said frequently heard kids on the fields say things like "We really raped those guys" when their team won an athletic contest. At her mention of this, hands went up all over the room of similar stories where the term "rape" was being used not just to describe another team taking a beating, but in some cases it was used as motivation ("we are gonna rape that team"). I was stunned, as I couldn't believe anyone would use a term as heated and offensive and violent as "rape" to describe playing sports. In a similar vein, however, I also overheard a student say something in jest (I wrote about it here) that suggested to me an ignorant level of comfort with a term that carries significant weight to those who have been victimized. I hope by becoming more aware of rape culture and its influence, we will be more comfortable speaking up and speaking out when confronted with the language that makes light of something so serious, personal, and criminal.

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